I didn´t exactly get the start of 2019 I wanted. I had hoped for a lot of inspiration and time to create art this winter which was one of my New Years resolutions,.. That I should begin creating art again....
But on January 5th 2019 an unexpected meeting with a big iron bar in a dark basement sat me out of the game concerning creation of artworks for the juried spring exhibitions. I had a severe bloody concussion and was observated for brain stroke, locked up in a bed in a blacked out room for about 6 weeks, not being allowed to watch a screen or do anything physically work.
Headaches still come and go, but most of the symptomes have disappeared. Now I do know who I am again, do recognize where I am, and I also, as you can see, I am able to express myself again, both in writing and speeking. My concentration is up or down. Some days are good. Some are not. I still cannot write with or talk to other people without having a headache after 5 minutes. My brain is still very sensitive with noise and sunlight. I have difficulties cencentrating about my drawing and painting. But I have succeeded in finishing a new piece of woven heart art, paper art for the Woven Heart Art Museum, Julehjertemuseet " The shepherdess and the Chimney Sweep" (Hyrdinden og Skorstensfejeren), created in 9 pieces of folded woven paper with a lot of breaks, in 39th trial and after 4 years work with this artwork. My 2nd. 9-paper woven heart artwork!
After 6-8 weeks in the darkness I need a lot of light and fresh air, so I am trying to get outdoor as much as possible. Also, I am trying to find the energy for creating art, I just don´t have so much energy, when I have had a concussion and I now am at a point in my surgery cyclus, where I am starving, only eating liquid food and waiting for my next oesophagus surgery. So I take my days step by step, still sleeping a lot taking care of myself. New artworks must run out of my hands in the extent, I have inspiration and get back the concentration and energy for it.
To be honest, I enjoy the "Februarish" calmness, this calmness in my life right now so much that I have difficulties letting it go again and go out in public with anything. Not to be "on" all the time. I enjoy that. Being away from all the "glitter."
"What doesn´t kill you makes you stronger."
I have heard these false words over and over again in my life, from people who do not know what they are talking about. Every time you get hit by your destiny other people see you come back, but what they don´t see, is that you are a little bit weaker than before.
It leads me to say that you will have to appreaciate me, while I am alive, because this concussion has taught me that I am not as strong as you think.
Give me flowers you think I deserve while I am alive, because I don´t care about the ones you put on my grave.