30-12-2018

Throwback on 2018:

2018 for me became the year, where my art had to give place for other activities and passions and where I started creating myself a new life on new and not so good conditions as I had before the accident in 2016. Anyway, at the beginning of the year I succeeded in getting 2 artworks selected for a juried exhibition in New York and 1 selected for a juried theme exhibition in Minneapolis, USA. But it is not funny at all to participate with art at an exhibition where you yourself as an oesophagus patient are not able to travel out and be present and the important networking in relation to the exhibition which can give you artistically jobs, customers and art orders you are not a part of at all, just as you cannot be present and sell your art yourself if you spend all your energy all day long in a foreign country swallowing food which is fixed in a partly paralyzed gullet and a ditto stomach mouth. It drains you for energy and it is stressing living this way! My oesophagus cannot handle stress. Therefore, I have not created or sent out any artworks for juries since January this year. I reached to created an illustration for a talk in Gentofte, Copenhagen, before I decided to have an artbreak on unpredictable time where I instead will focuse on something more important: Namely being medically examined and diagnosed in order to get treatment, so I can get on with my life. My 2 diagnoses, 1 in my gullet and 1 in my stomach mouth came in Aug-Sept but there are no available treatment for them. They are incurable. Therefore, I will spend a part of my new future life being an experimental patient hoping that some treatments can be developed in my time of living. All ready, I have gone through 2 experimentally surgeries in a surgery cyclus which I as it looks right now shall learn to live with for the rest of my life. I must have a surgery every 3rd month with a temporary effect in order to be able to swallow my food for approx 6 weeks. After that effect disappears over 6 weeks which are resulting in hunger for a couple of weeks until I can get a surgery again. Difficult to get used to. Difficult to get my private life work. Difficult to make a social life work and almost impossible to adjust a working life which fits into such a physically hard surgery cyclus with changing lewels of energy and weight fluctuations of 17kg and a missing voice. Also, it is deeply uninspiring for me artistically. When I miss inspiration I use to put away all art and do something else for a while or just relax. Because everything I can, I have learned from my life crises, - and right now my art symbolizes the life and freedom which I have lost. I need some time to get over it. Psychologically I have kept myself above the water by working on a new home create something beautiful to watch in it, and move away from the accident location, my old apartment and then throw myself over a life long passion: Exotic plants which I can enjoy when I don't have energy for anything else. For example in the last 2-3 weeks in my surgery cyclus up to my next experimental surgery. For the time being my small orchid collection is very active. In a few days another 2 big orchid will "explode" in a New Year firework which reminds me of the long wonderful and heat summer we had in DK in 2018 from April to September where I grew my flower passion both outdoor and indoor. I am looking forward to the springtime and I have not lost my dreams. In this lifetime of mine there are still a lot of things I want to try. Happy New Year!

 

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