Box Blog Apr 5th 2019 (291132)
Everything I can has come out of my life crises.
Oooh! It has been a dark and terrible winter for me.
If I hadn´t had my creativity and dreams of the future and of becoming fresh again, and lots of love and support from people around me, I think I would have had a depression now. But it didn´t happen. Instead I have enjoyed the sunrises, the new calmness in my life, and I still do. It is very difficult to let go, when you get used to it.
I made a New Year´s resolution that I would begin creating art again though it reminds me of the international artist life, I have lost, dued to my ilness and handicaps. Just didn´t know how to get started again as so many feelings were lining up in my mind.
My dream of becoming a free bird again, free of all illnesses, and some healing walks in the daylight last summer in the beautiful Danish nature and bird sanctuaries has inspired me to continue creating some new small artworks here in the first part of 2019, they will be located under menu item "Art Gallery" and "5. Flora & Fauna illustration line" on this website.
A bigger new artwork is located under item "2. Abandoned Illustration Line". As you now I have 11 illustration lines, so we have to count in order to locate new posted artworks on this website.
Also, I in March 2019 have created a new very special piece of paper art, woven heart art, "Ænder ved Gundsømagle Sø", (Ducks at the lake of Gunsømagle) the very first piece of my own unique art media, woven paper heart, which I have created in 10 pieces of woven paper, as usual without using glue or patterns. Different subjects on front and reverse of heart. I use my own drawings to cut from. So I have hit my own record, which was woven heart arts created in 9 pieces of woven paper, which I developed in 2015.
In the middle of my work with this artwork, I went through my 3rd oesophagus surgery as an experimantal petient. Back to start with my health again-again... Non-stress cure again- again, you know: On / off concentrated working for 5 minutes, sleeping in 5 hours, working in 5 minutes and so on. so it took me 1 month to create, but then I actually succeeded in my first trial...
But I posted a videofilm about my woven heart art "Ænder ved Gundsømagle Sø" on my instagram profile @larklisbet where you can watch it. It is a kind of a "brother" to the woven heart art, "Svanelunden" ("The Swan Lake,"6 pieces of woven paper) I have on a permanently Nordic culture exhibition at Izmir Book and Paper Art museum in Turkey since December 2012. My record woven heart artwork "Ænder ved Gundsømagle Sø" also includes a special created furniture craft "duck"-frame/ installation for hanging installation. Artwork is not availble for gallery or museum exhibitions outside Denmark. After finishing it I have had some lucrative international orders on it. But I am a Dane and it is my own international recognized and very unique artmedia with some deep roots in the Danish culture, so in order to avoid a national mass protest I think this artwork should stay somewhere in the Kingdom of Denmark, and therefore it is right now reserved for national art opportunities if possible. If not selected for any Danish art exhibitions it will go directly into the private collection of the Woven Heart Art Museum (Kunstmuseet Julehjertemuseet) where it will be visible when the museum gets a new place to stay in Denmark.
The only new designs I had planned for this year, as a miniature designer, was making some new miniture decoration bird designs for Design By Lisbet Lark, which should help financing a new place for the Woven Heart Art Museum. BUM!.....
I created my drawings, made a budget, made everything ready, because now, it should be: At long last I would create my new miniature bird designs from new materials. Till now I have used recycling materials for my nature look alike 3D bird designs. But 2 months after ordering it showed up, that some of my suppliers could not deliver the special coloured feathers and materials for these new handmade nature like miniature bird designs of mine.
So as usual I ended up sitting and sucking with recycling materials, which I tried to strech in use in order to have enough, and I only managed to create 2 larger birds in unequal different sizes, 20-25 cm in length and 4,5 - 6 cm tick: Cutting their bodies from a styrofoam emballage box. Their feathers are food colored chicken feathers from the food industry, a waste product. Birdcage I created from 2 old french crackers, and so on.
When I finished, still having a mess with feathers everywhere, hanged it up for drying and the webmaster of this website saw it, he bursted out: " Vivid birds, .... or ... are, are, are they alive? ..... What a beautiful and brilliant piece of installation artwork, you´ve created there!... It is absolutely stunning! Does it have a name?"
" No, it doesn´t", I said, "it is a result of another failed design project, but it is unique", I haven´t created any other species"... - and then I told him the story about the failing deliveries, and that I had to use what I had instead of just storing the materias for years. Waste of place and money. Now these birds at least could give me some clean company, and make my days when I am most ill, by decorating my resting room.
"Not on terms " he said. " This is art on high level, I think. Shouldn´t we show it on gallerioctopusart.dk?"
" Under which menu item? I, I, I don´t think they fit in anywhere" I said.
" Honestly I think it is on time you show some of the works you have created the last few years from larger installation artworks which are permanently installed in private homes , because people think you have done nothing lately, and that is not true. You have created the most wonderful and brilliant instalation artworks during your illness period since 2015. I create a new menu item under "Art Gallery" called "14. Installation Art," because you are not only a miniture artist you do huge artworks, too... "
"But , but, but, but, but, but, but ...." ...... I said.
..- And before I had a breathe he created a new art item in the menu of this website. Please, go look for yourself, if he is right. My birdcage 3D installation art has now got a name, it is called: "Vinter Voliere", (Please, watch blog pic):
This blog is about dreaming and the positive effect it has.
My dream is also to get the opportunities to exhibit my art in Denmark,where I am born, raised and live, though I have "only" merit from The Anglo- Italian Academy of Arts, as I am too ill for travelling outside DK with my art. In 2019 I have 10 years anniversary as a professional artist, so I think it is about time, I get my space here in Denmark.
Until then artworks will come out of my hands in my own relaxing pace which is compatible with the fatigue I am experiencing as a result of my concusion and my 2 incurable oesopahagus diagnoses, which demand surgery every 3rd month at a hospital in Copenhagen.
Lisbet Lark / Lisbet Lærke.
I didn´t exactly get the start of 2019 I wanted. I had hoped for a lot of inspiration and time to create art this winter which was one of my New Years resolutions,.. That I should begin creating art again....
But on January 5th 2019 an unexpected meeting with a big iron bar in a dark basement sat me out of the game concerning creation of artworks for the juried spring exhibitions. I had a severe bloody concussion and was observated for brain stroke, locked up in a bed in a blacked out room for about 6 weeks, not being allowed to watch a screen or do anything physically work.
Headaches still come and go, but most of the symptomes have disappeared. Now I do know who I am again, do recognize where I am, and I also, as you can see, I am able to express myself again, both in writing and speeking. My concentration is up or down. Some days are good. Some are not. I still cannot write with or talk to other people without having a headache after 5 minutes. My brain is still very sensitive with noise and sunlight. I have difficulties cencentrating about my drawing and painting. But I have succeeded in finishing a new piece of woven heart art, paper art for the Woven Heart Art Museum, Julehjertemuseet " The shepherdess and the Chimney Sweep" (Hyrdinden og Skorstensfejeren), created in 9 pieces of folded woven paper with a lot of breaks, in 39th trial and after 4 years work with this artwork. My 2nd. 9-paper woven heart artwork!
After 6-8 weeks in the darkness I need a lot of light and fresh air, so I am trying to get outdoor as much as possible. Also, I am trying to find the energy for creating art, I just don´t have so much energy, when I have had a concussion and I now am at a point in my surgery cyclus, where I am starving, only eating liquid food and waiting for my next oesophagus surgery. So I take my days step by step, still sleeping a lot taking care of myself. New artworks must run out of my hands in the extent, I have inspiration and get back the concentration and energy for it.
To be honest, I enjoy the "Februarish" calmness, this calmness in my life right now so much that I have difficulties letting it go again and go out in public with anything. Not to be "on" all the time. I enjoy that. Being away from all the "glitter."
"What doesn´t kill you makes you stronger."
I have heard these false words over and over again in my life, from people who do not know what they are talking about. Every time you get hit by your destiny other people see you come back, but what they don´t see, is that you are a little bit weaker than before.
It leads me to say that you will have to appreaciate me, while I am alive, because this concussion has taught me that I am not as strong as you think.
Give me flowers you think I deserve while I am alive, because I don´t care about the ones you put on my grave.
2018 for me became the year, where my art had to give place for other activities and passions and where I started creating myself a new life on new and not so good conditions as I had before the accident in 2016. Anyway, at the beginning of the year I succeeded in getting 2 artworks selected for a juried exhibition in New York and 1 selected for a juried theme exhibition in Minneapolis, USA. But it is not funny at all to participate with art at an exhibition where you yourself as an oesophagus patient are not able to travel out and be present and the important networking in relation to the exhibition which can give you artistically jobs, customers and art orders you are not a part of at all, just as you cannot be present and sell your art yourself if you spend all your energy all day long in a foreign country swallowing food which is fixed in a partly paralyzed gullet and a ditto stomach mouth. It drains you for energy and it is stressing living this way! My oesophagus cannot handle stress. Therefore, I have not created or sent out any artworks for juries since January this year. I reached to created an illustration for a talk in Gentofte, Copenhagen, before I decided to have an artbreak on unpredictable time where I instead will focuse on something more important: Namely being medically examined and diagnosed in order to get treatment, so I can get on with my life. My 2 diagnoses, 1 in my gullet and 1 in my stomach mouth came in Aug-Sept but there are no available treatment for them. They are incurable. Therefore, I will spend a part of my new future life being an experimental patient hoping that some treatments can be developed in my time of living. All ready, I have gone through 2 experimentally surgeries in a surgery cyclus which I as it looks right now shall learn to live with for the rest of my life. I must have a surgery every 3rd month with a temporary effect in order to be able to swallow my food for approx 6 weeks. After that effect disappears over 6 weeks which are resulting in hunger for a couple of weeks until I can get a surgery again. Difficult to get used to. Difficult to get my private life work. Difficult to make a social life work and almost impossible to adjust a working life which fits into such a physically hard surgery cyclus with changing lewels of energy and weight fluctuations of 17kg and a missing voice. Also, it is deeply uninspiring for me artistically. When I miss inspiration I use to put away all art and do something else for a while or just relax. Because everything I can, I have learned from my life crises, - and right now my art symbolizes the life and freedom which I have lost. I need some time to get over it. Psychologically I have kept myself above the water by working on a new home create something beautiful to watch in it, and move away from the accident location, my old apartment and then throw myself over a life long passion: Exotic plants which I can enjoy when I don't have energy for anything else. For example in the last 2-3 weeks in my surgery cyclus up to my next experimental surgery. For the time being my small orchid collection is very active. In a few days another 2 big orchid will "explode" in a New Year firework which reminds me of the long wonderful and heat summer we had in DK in 2018 from April to September where I grew my flower passion both outdoor and indoor. I am looking forward to the springtime and I have not lost my dreams. In this lifetime of mine there are still a lot of things I want to try. Happy New Year!
I MISS The Woven Heart Art Museum, and for me there is no daubt that we will succeed in boulding it up somewhere else. Right now I am convinced that it was the right decision to sell the place in 2017 because right now I feel drained for energy, have
shaking eyes, I am dizzy and very tired because I have not had enough to eat and drink for a whole month. I have 2 rare, painful, invisible and incurable diagnoses, one in my gullet and one in my stomach mouth which mark my body and prevent me from having
artistically activities. Kilos are trembling off my body. Thank God I ate some probe preventive kilos on while I could right after my latest experimental surgery Sept 26th. 2018 where the temporary effect now has gone as expected.
During the upcoming week it will be decided whether I will have to go through my 2nd surgery as an experimentally patient or not and if it will be before or after Christmas. I LOVE good food so I am hoping for a sheduled cancellation time before Chrismas, so I can get my surgery and enjoy the Christmas and the delicous food as much as everybody else. Right now I am occupied bringing up my vital digits to the wanted level, such as blood pressure and blood sugar and to keep them there until I have had my eventually surgery which is a huge challenge when I am eating less than a newborn baby.
....- and just one more thing:
Remember to enjoy your life while you can!
Since my last blog a lot have happened in my life.
At least more than usual when all your life is about fighting for as natural an ability as being able to swallow your food.
I have got 2 incurable rare painful diagnosis in my oesofagus after an accident in aug 2016. One in my oesofagus and one in my stomach mouth. That means, that no matter how much my nice medical specialists want to help me, there is right now (2018) no recognized and documented cure which can help me out of my situation.
They need to develop one or several cures / kinds of surgeries, and it might not succeed in my time of living.
The problem is that there are not very much patients with these 2 diagnosis, the ones there are, are very weak and have given up their lives waiting for the un avoidable.
But the scientists cannot develope new surgeries, or medicine cures without experimental patients. We are actually talking about a need of esophagus patients who on top of their own pains and lots of unpleasant medically examinations are willing to go through much more experimentally surgeries, more unpleasant gastroscopies, and more pains, and following conseqenses than other oesofagus patients in order not only to help themselves, but also to help other coming oesofagus patients in the future.
Almost nobody want to do that.
It is painful and they give up instead.
When I was asked in September this year about becoming an experimental patient within the Oesofagus subject area at a certain hospital in Copenhagen I felt there were no other solutions for me if I should have help myself, than giving my own living body up to the science,- and I was not in a moment's doubt when I heard it could also help other and much more ill oesofagus patients.
Immidiately I said "Yes, why not? I might as well do it, as anybody else,- and then you do not have to use an ill and weak small child for your experiments."
The only trouble I have except for more pains and unpleasant experiences is that I lose my voice after each surgery and gastroscopy, and I cannot get free help from the society to train my voice after the extra gastroscopies and surgeries.
If you don´t have a voice, nobody hears you. You don´t exist.
But immidiately, I got a time scheduled for my very first experimental surgery which took place a very short time after, at the end of September this year. The effect should be temporary, as they went through my gullet, with calm me being awake during surgery, and some neurotoxin was injected in my stomach mouth to relax it making it possible for my food to pass. The toxic effect would disappear over time. It worked for some while. Got some great tasty food in a period until the effect ran out as exspected.
The effect has over some time gone now, so I am ready for my next experimental surgery or treament. I don´t know if it will be before or after Christmas, which is a hard time for me as eating and singing and the feeling of community it is giving people, is all, Christmas is about.
If you, like I, cannot eat or sing you are not a part of the community. You are a lonely outsider during a traditionally event where there should be a place for everybody.
Just not for me.
When people eat delicious food at the Christmas tables, I am either not invited, or I sit with a glass of water and watch them eat my favourite food. I don´t know if you have notized it, but:
I AM ACTUALLY EATING ALL YOUR DELICIOUS GOOD-SMELLING FOOD WITH MY EYES!
But my first experimental surgery worked for a while and it gave me some hope and energy to bring myself on to my own next development step in accepting the state of fate, and my next level is to lower my stress and traumas, I think.
It is stressing me to eat at the place in the old apartment where this accident happened in August 2016. The traumatic experiences there continues to appear in my eating sitiation and my oesofagus goes into spasm, no matter what we do. Therefore, since my last blog, we have emtied the old apartment, packed all my artistically wokshops away, made it ready and put it up for sale and moved out of it.
Also this year I have spent time on another of my passions, taking care of exotic plants other people have given up. Giving them a new life is a very helpfull energy-saving and healing theraphy for me. I will definitely continue doing that in the new year. Unfortunately, I don´t have a big heated orangerie, but some day I would like to work in a place like that both as an artist and as a gardener, because my oesofagus handicaps would love it. Very destressing. Dreams, dreams, dreams..... - is what hope is made from.
As for my voice trouble it will continue to appear each time I get gastroscopy instruments thrugh my gullet, and I am as an experimentally patient not justified to get free help from the same society, I am helping, so I am on my own creative initiative again:
I googled "gratis stemmetræning" (free voice coaching) and found a website where DR for an experiment looked for a few people without a voice who wanted free voice traing. Also, one of my biggest dreams is to be a part of a choir or to sing as a vocal and it is not going to happen if I don´t do anything about my situation myself.
So I applied and got it.
What I forgot is that nothing is free. Everything has a price.
The 12 hours of great experiences and voice coaching with some other lovely hummer persons who also cannot sing I got from DR 1 month ago I wouldn´t have been without. It helped me a lot on several levels. THANK YOU!
Off course you can discuss if it is OK that I have to use these alternative methods, making a fool out of myself between 1000 brilliant singers and in front of 1.000.000 critically TV- viewers and that I am forced to expose myself and my weaknesses, in order to get the help I need when I myself help an ungrateful society, which is leaving me alone with the consequenses of my helpfullness. But "the goal is pouring the drug" here, I think. I got my voice coach help. It works for me.... - At least until my next surgery, where my voice trouble might start all over.
While I am writing this blog, I am actually also SMS´ing with the nice TV- crew about some practically stuff, graphic name signs, a.s.o...- I guess, there are still some audience tickets left for the live TV-show on Sunday Dec 2nd 2018 on this link:
The Danish languaged traditional live show " Danmark synger Julen Ind" runs off at Danish broadcasting Compagny, at channel DRK Sunday Dec 2nd 2018 8PM ( Kl 20.00), where you can experience and meet VERY shy me and the other lovely persons from that fantastic voice coaching day.
I won´t tell you how my 12 hours voice coaching went, just watch the show.
Sometimes, it is from people you least expect it, you get the biggest surprises!
/ Lisbet Lærke.