Box blog July 2nd 2018 (253395)
Maybe I should have stayed at home.
Maybe I shouldn´t.
I haven´t been written about my award trip to Genova, because some things happened there and on board the 2000 km flight journey back home to Denmark via Paris which made me think. If you can´t find anything positive to write, you shouldn´t be writing about it at all. So I won´t, except for the fact that sometimes things happen in your life which you can interpret as a broad hint.
I got a foretaste on the springtime, warmer weather for some days and some beautifully pictures from 6 km´s hight above the earth, at least until....
What happened to me op there, when I was fixed by a belt to seat 6A in a flight, made what happened during the ceremony turn pale. Then I have expressed it in a very nice way.
Since the trip I have been coming to terms with my experiences on it and I came to the conclusion, that it was a huge broad hint.
A broad hint that in the future I should stay on earth in stead of flying. There is an old proverb saying such as: "If Muhammad can´t come to the mountain, the mountain has to come to Muhammad."- and the other way around.
I think I will practise that. You will have to come to me in Copenhagen instead of the other way around, we have big arenas and auditoriums here, too, and you will have to do it, when I am ready and when it suits my health and me and not the other way around.
If you have anything "to give" me, you will have to show up in Copenhagen and give it to me here as you are the one of us who have the need "to give" something away, and then for Gods sake remember this time to bring it with you to Copenhagen, otherwise your expensive flight trip would be in vain. Money you could have spent on your missing bath or toilet at home or on glad experiences. On the other hand it wouldn´t be my problem.
- And when will I be availabe in Copenhagen, then?
You might have noticed in the above mentioned that I have some entrepreneur work going on in my very small private home. Dued to lack of space, not being presentable and the fact that for security reasons nobody else let strangers into their private homes in Copenhagen, it won´t be possible to visit me there. I also need some privacy and some time off, not to be "on" and public all the time.
Therefore, I am looking for somewhere else to show my art and I have decided to go all out for getting into an existing concept where it is natural that my art shop is not open all year around. I need to and I am looking forward to developing and adjusting myself, my artistically universe and my own concept into this place and in coorperation with this place during the upcoming summer, if they will let me in. Some people have been asking me, where it is. I will publish that when I have all the permissions, certificates and clearings ready and when I have signed a contract with this place, - and not before.
I also need peace, time to heal and relax and time to create my art and designs and I only can "run one programe at a time". So I have no scheduled summer art exhibitions in 2017 for the time being, which is very unusaual for a Danish artist, but I am also a very unusual artist with a very unusual life. I am planning my next art exhibition "Med lup og blyant" to take place somewhere in central Copenhagen in autumn in week 42, 43 and 44.
You always try to make a sense from your pointless fate. You can ”go through hell” once more or you can “escape”.
Last autumn I tryed to climb the mountain and get on with my life in relation to my 9 months long painful and traumatically illness period in 2016: By turns I worked on my flee-artworks and my come-to-terms-with my traumas-artworks.
Hard personal process, because in my case it meant that I mentally during my work digged out several painful situations where I momentarily stood face to face with my own death, just for letting it go again the moment after, when it became too much for me and then I escaped into an adventure world. By turns.
"Fireplace1,- Anaphylactic Shock," (2016), 65,5 cm x 85,5 cm.
None of these artworks were created for exhibition purpose, but simply because I had something I WANTED out. I didn´t care if other people could use them elsewhere or not, I just wanted to get better myself.
For my big surprise here in this January, I have followed their fight through different selections for juried exhibitions. Till now it looks like my come-to-terms-with- trauma-artworks, where I had to ”go through the hell once more” in my creation process, spray paint art with furniture crafts work frame "Fireplace1, - Anaphylactic Shock" and my photo artwork "Primary Hyperparathyroidism" are those of my crisis-artworks which have managed best during the first digital selection rounds.
Great, because travelling around and physically delivering those artworks of mine for the juries 2nd selection rounds feels like parking this illness some very save place for a while, to give it away from me physically. Priceless. Releasing. So if I don´t get anything else out of them, at least I have obtained that.
Now it looks like somebody has recommended me for a prize in Italy here in February for my artistically career and for my first finished furnitue crafts work / spray paint artwork on masonite, "Fireplace1,- Anaphylactic shock", which is my only one till now. A self-portrait, created from new tecniques I started developing in 2014, which makes it possible for me to create other motives than astrologically themes and landscapes like other spray paint artists do, to use it as an ordinary art media, if I could use wet paints. But I can´t right now, because my body can´t stand the preservatives in all wet paintings on the market. So artwork is one of a kind.
Spray paint is a very difficult kind of paint to control on the media, as the paint is being sprayed out in the air from above the masonite plate. The job of the artist is to control the landing of these airborne laquer paint particles on the plate and through that create the wanted motif. This artwork of mine has up to 105 layers of BELTON lacquer and my tecniques demands different drying and harden times between the layers. Artwork is created over the period of 1 month and in the best summer heat in Denmark as it demands open windows in a cold country, too to work with this media. It is not possible to create this artwork quickly by using a hair dryer, like other spray paint artists do.
"Fireplace1,- Anaphylactic Shock" is a self-portrait created from inspiration from the burning and very painful moments during a medically test at the hospital last summer, where I realized that the test drug they put in my drop was dangerous for me, my body was like hijacked, I couldn´t move away from situation or call for help. I was paralyzed, got too less oxygen to my brain, my inner organs felt hurtful sat out one by one, and this worlds most dangerously allergic kind of attack almost killed me last summer.
Till now this is one of my come-to-term crisis-artworks I have difficulties watching myself, because it still hurts too much inside me thinking about it. But I think it might help me coming to terms with my fate experiencing it blowed up on a 5 meters x 9 meters widescreen in Genova Italy one day in this February.
I don´t know about you, but if I should have any awards in this life, I prefer to get them while I am still alive and able to recieve them myself and not when I am dead or get in another permanent a situation where I will be without capability to show up at the Award ceremony and say "thanks" for it.
I am still trying to climb the mountian, you know, getting closer and closer to the top each day from now, I guess, if my Sisyfos stone don´t hit me on it´s way down...... Again ...
Last year I went through a very difficult period of my life, being severely ill for 9 months before I got my Primary Hyper Parathyreoidism sugery in October, which turned my life up side down to the much better, and I am now working at full time again. But I need some time to recover and get used to my new life situation and terms, and I have no rush. Anyway, it looks like my taxregistered artistically compagny is surviving this 9 months crisis, which I think not very much other self-employed people would be able to.
I am now allergic to preservatives in all available wet paints on the market and experimenting myself developing new medias within wet paint would be too time occupying and risky, I think, and I also don´t feel up to the fight getting new art medias recognized in Denmark, so I have to deal with those limits in my artistically expression.
Therefore, my prefered art media this year from now on will be crayons and ink on paper or cardboard, woven heart art or my photo art, which I got the Art and Science Award 2016 in Milano for. But people are also deeply IN LOVE with my unique miniature universe, both my art miniatures and my design miniatures, which are created by use of magnifying glasses and strong glasses.
Last summer some people saw my drawings from some beautiful places and parks in Copenhagen, where I gathered energy to continue my fight to survive this illness, and they encouraged me to create a combined miniature art gallery and a miniature design shop in Copenhagen. I think it is a good idea, I just can´t find any place in Copenhagen to do it, ... - and I don´t want to go down on my international recognition level and exhibit in your garage in Copenhagen as somebody suggested to me, when I exhibit in palaces, castles and other beautiful places outside Denmark.
Last year during my illness I was in USA given a CURRENT MASTER title for my artistically development from abstract to naturalistic, and I know that gives me some obligations. But just because I can make delicious exhibitions, I am not bound to do it anywhere, and just because I am good at setting up popular well-visited art exhibitions, and be an experience myself by entertaining people, I am not dued to do it all the time. Because if you are good at many things as I am, there is a risk that you will never have some sparetime, time-off or relax, go on vacations or inspiration trips, and I need that as much as everybody else. So I have to find a new way to be an artist, while I am moving my artistically universe from Tisvildeleje 60 kilometres to the place I am born, Frederiksberg and have to live in, Copenhagen. Maybe I´ll chose to have a break in some of my artistically activities within one or two art medias in order to focus 100% on 1 or 2 of my other activities /medias. Time will show. Meanwhile you can watch this blog´s "artwork in progress photo from last summer (2016) (Size: 10-15cm) , which you will find in a finished version under item "6: Miniatures" in the art gallery.
Honestly, I don´t know for sure right now where or when my next exhibition "Med lup og blyant * With magnifying glasses and pencil" will be on show in Copenhagen, I just know that it will and that I am willing to wait for a long time for the right place to work and to create this exhibition. I don´t have any rush, I am just finding some of my small artworks in my moving boxes and realizing my sketches from a certain amusement park last summer in Copenhagen, which doesn´t need further introduction, I think . Artworks will speak for themselves. Illustrations always do . Otherwise they are not illustrations. Gradually, they will show up in the gallery under item "6: Miniatures."
I am thinking over my life and keeping my doors open for opportunities and looking for a new little place in Copenhagen I can make even more beautiful. I also love to write. Fortunately, I still have some freelance writer jobs, too, on a confidential contract right now.
The only thing which is sure right now
is that nothing is for sure
concerning art exhibitions and me this year.
After several museum exhibitions and juried exhibitions outside Denmark the last few years and a lot of bad luck in my private life, a turbulent destiny, I need to spend more time in future in my childhood city, Copenhagen and Frederiksberg, together with my family and not pendle 60 kms in order to get to my gallery in Tisvildeleje, whose 23 sqm including toilet, bath, kitchen and slepping facilities is too small for all my artistically activities, too.
I am tired of and with that.
I have grown out of it.
So something new HAS to happen this year.
So something new WILL happen this year.
In 2016 I reached the highest level of internationally artistically recognition, an artist can get. Thank you very much.
So now I need to focus on getting artistically jobs and exhibitions in Copenhagen area, and I also need to spend some time working on decorating mine and my husband´s secret escape in Copenhagen. A place, where I can be me on my own terms and not just some to me strange people´s standby "holliday experience."
It has been hard for me being that during a long period last year, when my own health was not at the top and I was the one, who needed other people´s care and consideration without getting it.
2 1/2 months after my surgery I am fresh and healthy capable of working, thinking clearly, concentrating, no pains in my sceleton, joints and muscles any more, sleeping the whole night through. No restless nights any more. I never thought I could have so much calmness inside me. Calmness enough to reconsider a lot of my priorities, because I still feel fragile. Life is short and fragile.
I need to lean back and relax for some time in order to consider what to do with the rest of my life. Fortunately, I am the manager of my own life, so if I need a break in my life and to "disappear" for a while I can do it without asking anybody.
Maybe I will, maybe I won´t.
Time will show.
So in 2017, you will still be able to watch me do, what you don´t do.